


Facing My Demons

by trashycatarcade



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Dead name, Flashbacks, Fluff, Langst, M/M, Suicide mention, Trans Character, Trans Lance (Voltron), Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 21:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11135427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashycatarcade/pseuds/trashycatarcade
Summary: The team deals with Shiro’s disappearance and Lance deals with his past.





	Facing My Demons

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda a vent fic, I know how awful it feels being purposely misgendered and I wanted to write about it... it features a few flashbacks to Lance before the Garrison because I wanted to explore that. Also! Space Facetime... idk this was meant to be like 5k but I got carried away.

 

 

_ “Your father and I truly regret what happened in the past, we want to fix things. Please respond Lance, it breaks my heart not hearing from you.” _

 

Lance reread the message over and over. He finally slammed his laptop shut and got up from his seat at the small desk. He hadn’t talked to his Mom since Christmas when she sent him a card signed by all his siblings and dad. That was nearly four months ago, she wouldn’t address the elephant in the room. No one would. 

 

He had finally turned eighteen the previous June, he didn’t have to say anything to them for them to know what happened. His older brother, Sam, helped him through it. Lance was staying with him for the Summer in his apartment.

 

Lance needed to find Hunk, just being in Hunk’s presence always calmed Lance down. Lance exited the library and headed towards his room, where he knew Hunk was studying. Lance got a few strange looks, he knew he looked frantic, on the verge of a panic attack. The dorms were on the opposite end of the building, it took Lance almost five minutes to get there. He fumbled to get his key out of his backpack and barged into the room. Hunk jumped a little in his seat and pulled his earbuds out. 

 

“Hey buddy, are you okay?” Hunk asked, his eyebrows furrowed into an expression of concern. 

 

“We should sneak out tonight. Just, just get away for a little while. I need to get that flight simulator failure out of my head… maybe invite that kid Pidge along too. Yeah,” Lance nodded, stumbling over his words. Hunk had helped him through enough of his family issues, heard it all already. Lance didn’t want to burden his friend with more of his shit. 

 

“Um.. we nearly got caught last time, Lance.” Hunk frowned at the memory. 

 

“It’ll be fine, I promise.” Lance flung himself onto his bed. Hunk hesitantly agreed to the idea but not without a little bit more convincing from Lance. 

 

…

 

It wasn’t fine, Hunk had signed up for a night in the closest town, making sure that his friend didn’t drink himself into a coma. Instead, they got roped into becoming the defenders of the universe. 

 

…

_ “Sofia, smile for the picture.” Sam held his camera up unnecessarily close to Lance’s face and he pouted.  _

 

_ “C’mon dear, you only turn fifteen once! Get a few nice pictures so you don’t whine like Elena when she looks at the pictures from her  _ _ Quinceanera _ _.” Lance’s Mom laughed and Elena grumbled something sounding very similarly to ‘whatever old bat’. _

 

_ “Fine.” Lance grimaced. He flashed a quick smile and then turned back to the mirror to finish his makeup. The makeup he didn’t even want to be wearing. To match the dress he hated. For his family that thought they were fulfilling some little girl’s dream. A little girl that didn’t exist. His Mom pecked him on the cheek and grinned brightly.  _

 

_ The day only got worse.  _

 

_ He was surrounded by family that all were calling him a name that made his chest ache, but it’s not like they knew any better. He felt horrible about the entire party. His parent’s were spending all this money trying to make him happy and it was only doing the complete opposite.  _

 

_ Lance was pulled into dancing with various people that he barely knew. His friends were all there trying to make sure he was having a fun time and he was letting them down. The party was nearly over, there was less than two hours to go until he could peel the dress off his body and wipe the makeup off his face. He could make it. And then his father made a speech about how proud of his daughter he was.  _

 

_ “When Sofia was born, I knew she was going to grow up to be a wonderful woman. As a young girl, she always wanted to play with the boys and prove that she was just as strong. She was stronger. I have had the joy of raising such an amazing, smart, and beautiful girl that hasn’t failed to surprise me with her many talents. I love Sofia so much, I hope she feels the same love I do when she has her own children. I know they will be just as extraordinary as her because they would be raised by her. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for my daughter, who has grown from a girl, to a woman.”  _

 

_ Lance was shaking with tears, he didn’t care if it was ruining his makeup. He knew he was supposed to go dance with his Dad at this point, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Lance couldn’t endure this pain anymore. He was letting his whole family down without them even knowing. He rushed past the people in the banquet hall and out the emergency exit. He sat down on the steps outside and cried harder than he thought possible. He distantly heard the doors open and his Dad’s voice asking what was wrong, he couldn’t answer without breaking his Dad’s heart.  _

 

_ “Did I say something wrong, Sofia?” He asked gently and all Lance could do was cry harder at the name he despised. His Mom’s concerned voice soon joined into the mix. He was doing exactly what he tried to avoid, making a scene.  _

 

_ “Please tell us what’s wrong. This is supposed to be your special day, sweetheart. Nothing you could say could make us love you any less,” His Mom had pulled him into a hug and he knew he was making his Mom’s dress gross with snot and tears now.  _

 

_ “You want to go home, we go home, don’t even worry about it.” His Dad said. Lance nodded and kept his eyes shut.  _

 

_ “I have to tell you something, Mom,” Lance spoke quietly to his Mother as his Dad stood.  _

 

_ “What is it?” She asked. His Dad stopped and waited for Lance’s response. His Mom pulled away from his slightly to look into his eyes.  _

 

_ “I-I’m…” He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as much as he could. “I’m transgender.” _

 

_... _

 

Almost a month had passed since Shiro had disappeared, Allura was piloting the black lion in Shiro’s place. Keith couldn’t take the pressure of piloting the black lion and convinced Allura to do it. Physically, Voltron was still strong. Emotionally, the Paladins were a mess.

 

The Paladins all had different reactions to Shiro’s disappearance. Every other day Keith was storming off because of the team. Pidge had lost all hope of ever finding her family. Hunk buried himself in work for the team, analyzing data from their battles and making plans for upcoming ones. For Lance, it came as a realization that they were all going to die out here fighting an enemy that Earth didn’t even know about. He wasn’t going to ever see his family again, they probably thought he was dead by now. 

 

Lance could recite the email from his Mom. He never got the chance to respond even if he wanted to and right now he desperately wanted to talk to his Mom. He wanted his family to know he was alright, that he missed them, and that everything he was doing was for them and the planet Earth. A little part of him wondered if his family actually cared that he was gone. Maybe Lance vanishing was an answer to his parent’s prayers. That if they couldn’t have their daughter they didn’t want to have Lance.

 

…

 

_ Lance sat outside his parent’s bedroom door, barely making out the muffled words being said. He leaned against the door with his ear pressed to the wood. They got back from the party, the other kids were in bed already. Lance was supposed to be asleep too, but he couldn’t help but wonder what his parents would say about him behind his back. They barely had said anything to him after he had told them. He was pulled away from his thoughts at his Dad’s voice.  _

 

_ “Did we do something wrong? I don’t understand why Sofia has decided to act this way all of a sudden…” _

 

_ “Times are changing, Manuel. I think that Sofia is confused… maybe she likes girls and thinks this will make that okay? I just don’t know what she’s thinking right now. We need to help her through this.”  _

 

_ “My parents can’t know about this, they wouldn’t be as approving.” _

 

_ “What are we going to do, Manuel. I just want my little girl back. She’s been so unhappy lately, do you think this will make her happier? Letting her act this way?” _

 

_ “I couldn’t begin to tell you.” _

 

_ Lance stood up silently, he had heard enough from his parents. He shuffled quietly down the hall to his own room. Is this what coming out is supposed to feel like? Feeling like your family doesn’t want you? _

 

…

 

They returned from another mission, bloodied and bruised. Lance sank to the floor of the shower and cried. He couldn’t help but wonder how many people he had killed. Sure those people were evil, but they were still people. Did that make Lance evil? Was he really saving people if so many others were getting killed in the process. 

 

His breath hitched when he heard the door to his room open. He swallowed his cries to not raise alarm to whoever was in his room. There was a knock at the bathroom door and Lance stood up from the floor. 

 

“Lance, Allura wants to talk to all of us on the bridge.” He heard Pidge’s voice muffled through the door.  

 

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He cleared his throat and called back. Lance shut the water off and wrapped a towel around himself. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before heading towards the bridge. He was the last to get there, seeing as everyone was standing around waiting for him. Lance stopped next to Keith and waited for someone to say something. 

 

“We are all suffering and it’s making us weaker. I know the universe needs us, but we won’t be of any help if we can’t take care of ourselves. That’s why I have planned for a short stop on a small trading planet, Glyxon. From the information I’ve been able to collect, the galra have no interest in the planet and the inhabitants are quite friendly. The planet is very similar to your planet Earth, so you’ll be able to breathe without your paladin armor. It’s a little less modern than the ‘space mall’, but I think it’s what we all need. Just a little break from missions.” Allura announced. Coran smiled a little beside her in encouragement. 

 

“Is this really a good idea, Allura? Just taking a break from helping people while billions of lives are at stake?” Keith asked. 

 

“Already considered, Keith. Coran is going to stay in the castle and make sure that if any urgent distress signals come through we can just wormhole there. We’ll be keeping in contact throughout the entire trip.” Allura informed them. Keith nodded in approval and the other paladins accepted the idea. A day off.

 

…

 

They weren’t able to get to Glyxon for a week. It seemed like the Galra were becoming even more relentless since they had lost Shiro. When they finally set a course for the planet, Lance decided to sleep until they got there. His muscles ached from the constant strain and he simply wanted to sleep the pain off. Unfortunately, when he was awoken it felt like he had only been sleeping for a few minutes. Keith knocked on his door to alert him of their arrival. 

 

Lance grumpily rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and found a pair of pants that closely resembled jeans that they had found on some planet he couldn’t remember the name of. Lance was surprised to see that Keith had waited outside the door for him. They walked together to where the others were waiting in one of the lounge rooms. Allura passed each of them a communication device to keep in contact with while they wandered around the market place they landed near. Allura gave them the okay to leave and they all slowly dispersed. Pidge and Hunk were already discussing tech related items they wanted to keep an eye out for and clothes they needed. Lance and Keith walked side by side out of one of the exits from the castle. 

 

“Anything you’re looking for?” Lance asked curiously. 

 

“Maybe a muzzle for when you get too annoying.” Keith shrugged. Lance punched Keith in the arm and Keith chuckled. It was a nice change from his behavior over the past month without Shiro. 

 

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you would want to use that muzzle for?” Lance winked and Keith groaned. 

 

“Do you have to turn everything into the punchline of a dirty joke?” Keith tried to stop himself from smiling. 

 

“Yes, it’s my job.” Lance nodded. 

 

“Interesting job.” Keith said and Lance smiled a little. They had made it to the entrance of the market, booths of merchandize surrounded them, along with signs in languages they didn’t know.

 

They both fell into a comfortable silence, waiting for each other if one of them stopped to look at something. Neither of them were actually looking for anything in particular, so they walked slowly to make sure not to miss anything. There were only so many chances they got to shop for things. Keith pointed out a few items to Lance, but started to notice Lance wasn’t acting quite how he usually did. Something was obviously bothering him, but Keith was unsure how to address the issue. 

 

They stopped at a clothing booth that seemed to have clothes meant for a species similarly built to humans. Lance was able to find a few shirts that would fit well enough. He noticed Keith’s lingering gaze on him while he shuffled through the racks of clothes belonging to a tall, pink alien with four eyes. 

 

“Do I have something on my face?” Lance asked Keith, startling him out of his trance.

 

“Wha- no. Sorry,” Keith looked away, focusing on the rack of clothes in front of him. Lance sighed and moved over so he was next to Keith. 

 

“I was kidding, but something’s obviously is up so, just tell me. There’s only so much time before we’ll be dead anyways, might as well not waste that time tip-toeing around.” Lance said bluntly. 

 

“I’m just worried about you. You’ve been acting odd lately.” Keith admitted. 

 

“Well, excuse me if the disappearance of our teammate has affected me.” Lance scoffed. He began to move away from Keith, but Keith grabbed his arm. 

 

“That was a fucking low blow and you know it. There’s something else bothering you, so why don’t you take your own advice and just tell me what’s going on.” Keith angrily said, releasing his grip on Lance’s arm. 

 

“It’s dumb and not something I want to get into right now.” Lance responded, not expecting Keith to turn the tables on him. 

 

“Whatever hypocrite.” Keith sneered. He shoved the few things in his hands back on the rack and stomped away from the booth, away from Lance. Lance rolled his eyes at the childlike display and continued shopping, attempting to ignore the lump in his throat. 

 

As Lance paid for the clothes, including the things Keith had put back, the device that Allura had given him beeped. He finished the transaction, then pulled the device out from his pocket. He opened the video call going on between the paladins that had been started by Pidge. 

 

“Guys, there’s a some type of slave trade going on here and it’s creepy as fuck. They like bring prisoner-looking people up on a stage and people just start bidding, like at a county fair or something.” Pidge said and flipped the camera of the device to show off the stage of prisoners. Lance frowned and he heard Hunk exclaim on one of the lines about how messed up that was. 

 

“Oh, I think they’re bringing out new people now.” Pidge observed and kept the camera facing the stage. 

 

“I wonder if Allura and Coran knew about this?” Lance said. 

 

“I doubt they would want to just hang out at the planet if they knew a slave-trade was going on. They’d probably want to liberate the slaves or something.” Keith pipped in. 

 

“Maybe we’re interpreting this wrong… It might not be a slave trade.” Hunk offered, his statement oozing with doubt. 

 

“We should probably let Allura know about this, I don’t think it’s right whatever it is.” Lance added. Lance watched on the device as knew aliens started filling the stage. 

 

All of a sudden, he heard what was obviously a gasp from Pidge and the device was dropped on the ground, ending the call. Lance’s heartbeat picked up and he looked around him for a moment. No one seemed to be paying attention to him. He tried calling Keith, who picked up immediately. 

 

“What just happened? Do you know where Pidge is?” Lance spoke quickly. He started walking in a random direction in hopes that it was towards Pidge.

 

“I don’t know, I don’t know. Fuck! I can’t lose another person, Lance.” Keith growled and Lance heard his breathing pick up. Lance imagined Keith must have started running. Not thirty seconds passed before Pidge was calling them again. 

 

“I need everyone to get their asses here right now.”

 

…

 

_ “I’ve been on t for over a year now, if Mom and Dad sign off on it, I can get top surgery.” Lance explained happily, leaning back on the beach towel and stretching.  _

 

_ Elena listened to her younger brother curiously, wondering if he was talking about the same Mom and Dad she knew. She was happy with how hopeful Lance could be, and persuasive. Elena could barely believe it when Lance told her that Mom had okay-ed him going on hormones. _

 

_ “Plus, I’ve kind of been saving for like three years. I originally told Dad I was going to use the money to buy a car… But I was lying. God, I can’t wait to quit working. Two more paychecks should probably do it.” Lance rambled with a smile. He’d kept all the money from his birthdays and holidays since he was 14. He got his job a year and a half ago and the only money he used was to pay for gas for his Mom’s car, which was a rare occurrence. Lance mostly rode his bike to work.  _

 

_ “And I gave up-” _

 

_ “Woah woah woah, that’s why you gave up the Katy Perry tickets?!” Elena interrupted Lance and he nodded sheepishly. He had whined about wanting tickets for two weeks saying he didn’t have enough money.  She felt a rush of sadness for her brother at that moment. He had been sacrificing so much to become who he was meant to be. He worked way more than he needed to and kept his grades up, he never spent money on things he wanted, and he was so patient with their parents about his identity. He wouldn’t visually get upset when they said the wrong thing, just gave them gentle reminders.  _

 

_ Elena pulled Lance into a hug, squeezing him tightly so he couldn’t see the pained expression on her face. She hoped to whatever forces there were in the universe that things would work out for her younger brother. She also promised herself that she would always be there if things went wrong.  _

 

… 

 

“Holy shit, Pidge is that…” Hunk’s eyes widened.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Pidge wiped a tear that threatened to spill. 

 

“I’ve gotta act like he’s not as much as he’s worth, play it like I don’t really care.” Allura said quickly. She had agreed to be the one doing the bidding and negotiating. The paladins nodded to her instruction. She smiled and turned away from them with a quiet “okay”.

 

“I'm bidding on that one,” Allura addressed one of the aliens on stage. She pointed and he smirked. 

 

“Little scrawny isn't he?” He laughed.

 

“Yes, but he’d do well with what I need him for.” Allura said. 

 

“What might that be, miss?” The man asked.

 

“How much?” Allura ignored the question.

 

“1600 Sah.” Allura pulled a wad of purple bills and counted them carefully. She handed the alien the money and he gave her a ticket. 

 

“Bring this to the back of the stage, a man with a red hat will take it and bring the boy to you.” He instructed Allura. She didn't return to the Paladins, she wanted to get this over with as quick as possible. 

 

Allura gripped the ticket tightly as she walked around the stage to get to the back. Like the man said, she found the person with a red hat. She handed him her ticket and she was led further back. She passed by all the prisoners waiting to go on stage. She tried to hide her sadness for the imprisoned people and just do the task at hand. The man stopped in front of a group of prisoners and addressed them in a foreign tongue. 

 

“This one?” He asked Allura and she nodded. He handed the prisoner over gruffly and she locked her hand around his arm. 

 

“Pleasure doing business with you.” He smiled crookedly. When they were out of earshot from the worker, Allura pulled him closer and sighed. 

 

“You’re no longer in danger, I’m Princess Allura, I fly one of the lions of Voltron.” She said quietly to him. 

 

“Why me?” He gaped.

 

“You’re family.” She answered simply, knowing once they returned to the other paladins he would understand. 

 

…

 

“What’s taking her so long?” Pidge grumbled, running a hand through her hair. Lance put a hand on her shoulder attempting to calm her down a little. 

 

“Allura is more than capable of doing this, I’m sure everything is fine.” Hunk said. They all kept their eyes on the swarm of aliens in the crowd in front of them, looking for the familiar head of white hair. 

 

“We have to talk.” Keith leaned in to Lance so he was the only one hearing his words. 

 

“No, we don’t. I don’t know what you want from me, but I feel no obligation to explain to you anything.” Lance huffed, not even trying to keep his voice down. Hunk glanced over at Lance with a questioning look. Lance shook his head at Hunk, who in turn looked away. 

 

“Do you not trust me or something?” Keith frowned and Lance internally grimaced. He wasn’t trying to hurt Keith, or the team with his problems. That’s why Hunk was the only one who knew about his past. 

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, of course I trust you. I just don’t want to give you anything more to have to deal with.” Lance explained. 

 

“You don’t get to decide what I do or don’t deal with.”

 

“Actually, in this case, I do. This is about me and doesn’t relate to anything we’re dealing with right now. Just drop it already.” Lance said firmly. 

 

“Oh god, there they are!” Pidge exclaimed, interrupted any response Keith had. They had agreed earlier to wait for Allura to get to them, as not to draw too much attention to them. They were going to calmly walk back to the castle, then they could truly reunite. 

 

Pidge turned away from Allura when they reached the paladins. She didn’t trust herself to not cause a scene if she saw his face up close. Pidge lead the group to the castle, no one said a word. Lance slung his arm over Pidge’s shoulders and gave her a small reassuring smile. The walk to the castle seemed impossibly long. Pidge couldn’t take it anymore, they were in a less populated area and castle was in sight. She turned and looked at her brother for the first time in what felt like forever. 

 

“K-Katie!” Matt was awestruck. 

 

“Matt,” Pidge flung their arms around her brother and he held her. Tears streamed down the pair’s cheeks. 

 

“I thought you were dead.” Pidge cried. 

 

“What are you doing here, Katie?” Matt asked, not letting go of his sibling.

 

“Surprise, I’m a Paladin of Voltron.” Pidge smiled and the pair finally broke apart. Lance watched the siblings interact, feeling happy for Pidge but also a twinge of jealousy.

 

Every reminder of Lance’s family made Lance only feel worse. He desperately wanted to be excited for Pidge and feel nothing but that, it just wasn’t a reality. Lance turned away from the scene, looking back to the castle in the distance. After a few minutes, they all agreed to finish this reunion at the castle. 

 

Pidge first showed Matt to one of the unoccupied rooms of the castle so he could shower. She told him she would bring him a change of clothes and then they could really talk when he was ready. Lance took this time to slip away from the group into his room. Keith noticed Lance’s disappearance and followed the other boy to his room. 

 

“I know you’re following me, Keith.” Lance called behind him. 

 

“Well, I wasn’t exactly trying to sneak up on you.” Keith replied. 

 

“Good, you would be doing a terrible job if you were.” Lance said flatly. He got to his room and shut the door behind him, not bothering to wait for Keith. Lance sat down on his bed and started taking his shoes off. A few seconds later, Keith opened his door. 

 

“I know I could never replace Shiro, I don’t want to replace Shiro. But, I feel some sort of obligation to him to make sure that the team is okay. Lance, I don’t care who you talk to, I just think that you holding in all these thoughts and emotions isn’t healthy. Whether I’m the only one who has noticed or not, something is wrong. Please, just- just let someone help you.” Keith’s eyes didn’t leave Lance’s. 

 

“I know we agreed that nothing can happen between us, but can you just hold me for a little while.” Lance asked quietly, giving Keith a pleading look. Keith sighed and gave in to Lance’s pouty face. He walked towards Lance, who had laid back on the bed. 

 

“No shoes.” Lance smiled a little, he loved bossing Keith around sometimes. Keith rolled his eyes and took his boots off. Lance had closed his eyes but stretched his arms out for Keith who laid down in them and wrapped his arms around Lance too. Lance sighed quietly and snuggled a little closer to Keith.

 

…

 

_ “I-I’m sorry, Lance… I didn’t mean to call you-” _

 

_ “Yes you did! You meant everything you said!” Lance cried, his voice raising slightly.  _

 

_ “We let you take hormones Lance, why can’t that be enough for you? You want to change the body that God gave you?” His Dad questioned him his voice demanding attention, making Lance to look up into his eyes. Lance could no longer feel the love that he once felt from his father’s gaze.  _

 

_ “Why do you hate me!? I knew you guys never took me seriously, that-that you were just waiting for me to wake up one day and be Sofia again!” Lance sobbed, he couldn’t control the volume of his voice any longer. He knew his siblings could probably hear the entire conversation going on behind the closed door of his room.  _

 

_ “Your Mother and I aren’t letting you disfigure your body, Lance. That’s final. We only want what’s best for you and you’re too young to be making these types of decisions on your own.” His Father said sternly, his arms crossed. His Mom looked away from Lance sitting on his bed crying.  _

 

_ “It’s my body!  You just said you wouldn’t let me ‘disfigure’ my body, but it’s mine. This is killing me, every day I feel like dieing would be easier than living like this in this horrible body. I want to die and you not letting me do this is only helping me die sooner.” His Mom gasped at his words, her hand flying up to cover her mouth in horror. Lance didn’t regret his words, he needed his parents to understand exactly what they were doing to him. _

 

_ “Apologize to your Mother right now Sofia.” His Dad ordered.  _

 

_ “Fuck you guys.” Lance responded, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He got up from his bed and walked out the door past his parents. He walked past his siblings sitting in the kitchen pretending that they hadn’t just heard every word that had been said in his room. He walked away and tried to never look back.  _

 

…

 

Lance woke up feeling more content than he had since he left earth. Keith’s arms were still protectively wrapped around him and Lance wished he could stay like this forever. He listened to Keith’s steady breathing, indicating that he too had fallen asleep. Lance shifted a little, hoping to catch a peek at Keith’s face, but his movement seemed to have stirred Keith when he heard a sharp intake of breath from the other boy. 

 

“You’re a really light sleeper,” Lance said quietly and Keith mumbled incoherently in response. Lance smiled a little and looked over at Keith who still had his eyes closed. Lance yearned to kiss the boy holding him. 

 

“This was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” Lance sighed. 

 

“Definitely.” Keith murmured. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Lance apologized.

 

“Don’t, people platonically sleep together all the time.It’s completely fine.” Lance snorted a little at Keith’s words. 

 

Silence fell over the pair again, Lance moved again so he could bury his head into the crook of Keith’s neck. Keith initially tensed at the action, then let out a deep breath he hadn’t known he was holding. He could feel Lance’s mouth quirk up against his skin. 

 

Keith wished this could be a reality for the pair; waking up together in the same bed. They were at war, they didn’t have time for relationships. Even if they did, it was too much of a risk to the team. If they were to break up for some reason, it could severely hurt the bond required to form Voltron. Yet, Keith and Lance continued to be drawn to each other. They continued to have to catch themselves before things got too heavy or they fell in too deep. 

 

Keith was startled away from his thoughts when he felt a drop of something wet fall onto his neck, and then another. Was Lance… crying?

 

“Lance?” Lance sniffled a little and Keith tightened his hold on Lance. 

 

“I-I’m okay.” Lance stuttered. 

 

“Do you want me to go get Hunk?”

 

“No! I’m fine, okay.” Lance refused. 

 

“Why are you-”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Lance.” Keith loosened his grip and moved back from Lance so he could look at his face. Tear tracks stained his face and his eyes were a little bloodshot. 

 

“Fine. Fuck it.” Lance promptly sat up and removed his shirt, revealing the scars on his chest. Keith was surprised to say the least. Though Lance had turned his head away from Keith, Keith knew his crying had picked up. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Keith questioned Lance. 

 

“B-because I’ve gone through enough rejection in my life, I w-wouldn’t be able to handle it if it came from you too!” Lance cried. Keith placed his hands under Lance’s chin and turned his face so he was looking into his eyes. 

 

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Lance.” Keith said. “This doesn’t change how I feel about you. I can’t magically solve all your problems Lance, but if you let me be there, I can help you work through whatever is bothering you.” 

 

Lance processed these words for a moment, thinking about the situation and Keith’s own past. Keith knew in a way how he was feeling. Not exactly, Lance knew that Keith would never go through the same things Lance had dealt with to be who he was.Yet, Keith had found out that he was Galra, the race that they were fighting and had labeled as evil. Keith had a taste of being an outcast by the way Allura originally treated him. Keith had never given Lance a reason for him not to trust him, especially with the way he had just reacted. 

 

“Do you want the short or long version?” Lance asked, tears still streaming down his cheeks.  

 

“Whichever one you’re most comfortable with.” Keith replied quickly. 

 

…

 

_ “Lance, Mom asked me if she could come see you for a little while, bring the other kids along too because they miss you.” Elena mentioned to Lance next to him on the couch. He hadn’t seen his parents or other siblings since he walked out. His eldest sister, Elena had always had a soft spot for him and allowed him to stay with her until he would leave for the Garrison in August.  _

 

_ Elena was quick to take Lance’s side on the argument. From the day he came out to his family, she had been the most supportive, along with the eldest of the McClain children, Sam. Though the elder siblings didn’t admit this to Lance, they both had been waiting for their parents to crack. That’s why they were so quick to come to Lance’s aid.  _

 

_ “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I want to see Jane and Charlie but… I really don’t think I’m ready to see Mom.” Lance admitted. Elena took Lance’s hand in hers and smiled sincerely at him.  _

 

_ “I’ll tell her, okay? Don’t force yourself to forgive them just because they’re your parents. Being a parent doesn’t give you the right to treat your kids anyway you want.” She said and Lance nodded.  _

 

_ “Thank you, Elena.” _

 

_ … _

 

Lance briefed over his situation with his family, describing to Keith his family’s reactions to his coming out. Keith listened to the other boy quietly, letting Lance take the lead in the conversation. 

 

“Losing Shiro, it made me realize how small the chances are of ever returning home. I’ve been trying to accept that I’ll never see my family again. Finding Matt gave me hope that I don’t want. Having this hope that I will see my family again scares me because it’s only going to make reality hurt more. The reality that I never got closure with my parents, I don’t know if they ever would have accepted me fully.” Lance explained. 

 

“I can’t promise you we’ll ever get back to Earth. I can’t promise you that you’ll ever talk to your family again… but I can promise you that I will do all that is in my power to help you. We have more advanced tech than ever and a crew of geniuses, there has to be a way to contact them. We’ve all been busy with Voltron, busier than ever now that searching for Shiro has been added to our tasks, but you’re not the only one that misses their family. I’m sure Pidge and Hunk wouldn’t mind taking time out of their day to try and make this happen, I sure won’t. I don’t have anyone from Earth, Shiro was my family. Lance I care about you, I hate seeing you upset over this.” 

 

Lance flung his arms around Keith, squeezing him tightly. He wasn’t sure how else to express how grateful he was for Keith. Lance lightly pressed a kiss to the other boy’s neck before he could stop himself. Keith sighed at the contact. 

 

“We shouldn’t.” Keith said firmly, his voice faltering at the press of Lance’s lips against his neck again. 

 

“I know.” Lance murmured. Lance pulled away but kept his hands on Keith. “We’re going to find Shiro, okay? We found Matt, out an entire universe we were able to find him, Shiro’s a Paladin of Voltron, he’ll be harder to be kept hidden. We’ll get him back.” 

 

Their time together was cut short at the sound of the emergency alarm going off, the pair tried to look moderately presentable before running to the bridge to find out what had happened. 

 

…

 

_ “He won’t let me help and I really don’t want anything to hurt him, could you get over here? He said he could do it himself but I know he’s just saying that to make me feel better. I was there when his doctor explained everything.” Lance heard his older brother’s voice carry from the other room. Lance knew he was on the phone with Elena and he was grateful for it. Lance had his eyes shut tightly, leaning back on the couch.  _

 

_ “Okay, I’ll see you soon.” Lance tried to appear as though he was sleeping when he heard Sam’s footsteps near him.  _

 

_ “I know you’re awake, you snore when you sleep in that position.” Sam said, sitting down on the couch gently next to Lance.  _

 

_ “Sorry.”  _

 

_ “It’s okay, Elena’s coming over.” _

 

_ “I know, I heard you talking to her,” Lance admitted and Sam sighed.  _

 

_ “I thought I was going to be able to do this for you, I’m sorry I can’t be more help.” Sam said quietly, resting his head in his hands and slumping over. _

 

_ “Sam, I couldn’t be more grateful for everything you’ve done for the past few days. It’s not your fault, I just didn’t really think about the recovery until the doctor started naming all these things.” Lance said. He hated that Sam was feeling this way, like he wasn’t any help. He was the complete opposite, Lance wouldn’t have made it this far without Sam.  _

 

_ Sam put on a movie while they waited for Elena to get there. They didn’t say much to each other, other than a comment about the movie. Sam let Elena in when they heard a knock at the apartment door. Fortunately, Elena only lived about twenty minutes away from Sam’s apartment. Sam excused himself, saying he was going to head to the grocery store since Elena was there.  _

 

_ “Sam didn’t really tell me what was going on.” Elena started, trying not to push her brother too much.  _

 

_ “I didn’t realize how much it would hurt to lift up my arms, I can’t even put a shirt on by myself. I’m allowed to take a shower now… but I can’t wash my hair by myself. I was fine with Sam helping me with the drains, I just… I feel bad making him do all these things that probably make him uncomfortable. Could you... help me with my hair?” Lance rambled, not meeting Elena’s eyes.  _

 

_ “Of course. I’ll help you with anything, okay?” Elena said gently. Lance nodded and Elena patted his leg affectionately. “Let’s go get you cleaned up. You stink, dude,” Elena chuckled.  _

 

_ She helped Lance up and they went to the bathroom together. Elena turned her back to Lance while he slowly got undressed and into the shower. He closed the curtain and Elena leaned against the wall while Lance did what he could. She heard the water shut off and looked over at the closed curtain.  _

 

_ “Could you hand me a towel?” Lance asked and Elena quickly grabbed one and pushed it through the curtain. She released it when Lance pulled it from her grasp. He wrapped it around his waist and opened the curtain.  _

 

_ “Okay, ready when you are,” Lance said and Elena moved closer to him. She grabbed the shampoo she knew was Lance’s and poured a bit in her hand. She tried not to stare at the two scars in front of her and instead focused on thoroughly spreading the shampoo in Lance’s hair.  _

 

_ “You can look, it’s okay. Not like I didn’t pay an arm and a leg for it, might as well have people stare.” Lance blurted out, his voice sounded louder in the echo-ey bathroom. Elena glanced down at the fresh scars on her brother’s chest, but continued her work on his hair. She stepped back when she finished.  _

 

_ “Here’s the awkward part, I need help rinsing this out.” Elena nodded. Lance dropped the towel on the floor outside the shower and turned the water back on. Elena kept her eyes trained on the task at hand, being as respectful as possible. Lance felt more vulnerable than he ever had before, he kept his eyes closed so he wouldn’t get any soap in his eyes.  _

 

_ Getting top surgery had been the most money he had ever spent on anything. With that in mind, he knew if he ever were to completely transition with bottom surgery it would be very distant into the future. Being on display like this, even though Elena wasn’t even looking anywhere lower than his face, felt sickening.  _

 

_ “All done.” Elena announced, turning away from Lance to dry her hands and arms. “You gonna need help getting dressed?”  _

 

_ “Just with my shirt, but other than that no.” Lance shook his head. He shut off the shower and put the towel back on. He walked past Elena to his room to get some comfy clothes. He walked out into the living room where Elena was waiting for him when he was finished. It felt good to be up and moving around even though it hurt a little.  _

 

_ “That made me feel like I was five again and Mom was washing my hair.” Lance laughed a little and sat down beside Elena. Elena stayed quiet at the comment, surprised that Lance was mentioning their Mom.  _

 

_ “I’ve been thinking about her a lot these past few days, thinking about what she would say if she could see me now. Dad too.” Lance admitted, smiling sadly. “I know that I should be angry at them for how they acted and I was, but I’m tired of being angry and hating them. I miss them and I’m worried that they don’t miss me… do they ask about me?”  _

 

_ “Oh Lance, of course they do. Every time I talk to either of them they ask how you’re doing. They worry about you, in a good way.” Elena took Lance’s hands into her own to reassure him.  _

 

_ “Why haven’t they tried to talk to me?” Lance questioned.  _

 

_ “Why haven’t you?” Elena asked softly. _

 

_ “I was scared... I am scared.”  _

 

...

 

Weeks passed, the Paladins felt the impact of losing a member more than ever. Forming Voltron was different when Allura was piloting Black instead of Shiro. She had a different way of thinking and even though they were comfortable and open with Allura, they hadn’t gone through the same team-building exercises, there just wasn’t time. The Paladins had discussed the idea of attempting communication with Earth lightly, but nothing serious had been established. Honestly, Lance felt better just knowing his team members wanted to communicate with Earth just as badly as him. They had the same yearning for their families. 

 

After their time together, Keith and Lance had tried to put some distance between them. Keith still made sure Lance could come to him for anything, he also made it clear that they couldn’t behave like that again any time soon, it was just too risky for the team and a distraction. Yet, the pull was still there, that urge to be close to the Blue Paladin, to form a deeper relationship. 

 

Lance was in the same boat. Keith was the only one who knew about him now, besides Hunk, and Lance felt so unbelievably comfortable around Keith. He felt like he had known Keith his entire life, that the other boy was meant to be part of his life. 

 

The team’s morale had slightly gotten better with their new addition to the castle. Matt and Pidge were certainly a force to be reckoned with and Matt had just the same amount of drive to get Shiro back. Matt shared about their friendship during their imprisonment and beforehand during the Kerberos Mission. He talked about his life after Shiro escaped, how he had been rescued by rebels that had turned out to be stealing prisoners to only enslave them again. He had worked on several planets before being auctioned off for the first time. Apparently auctioning slaves off after a short time was common. 

 

Matt was the first person to begin working on building and coding a device that could communicate with Earth. He still felt that finding Shiro was more important and had said that the device was a backburner project, but Lance could barely contain his happiness about it, even if it wasn’t their number one priority. 

 

Lance found himself often asking Coran to pull up the map of the universe to show him how close they were to Earth. More often than not, the distance made Lance shudder in disappointment. Though, every so often, Coran and Lance would take notice that they were closer than they had thought, closer than usual. This frightened and excited Lance at the same time. 

 

Coran and Lance were interrupted by a yell from a room nearby, they spared a glance at each other before both sped to the source of the noise. Hunk, Pidge, and Keith were surrounding one of the various computer-type devices. Pidge was furiously typing on the attached computer, her fingers flying faster than Lance had ever seen. 

 

“What’s going on?” Lance asked, looking to Hunk and Keith for an answer. 

 

“Pidge did it, managed to hack into a Galra database that has information to high-security prisoners. She used the same method that was used to find out the info for Slav.” Hunk replied quickly, not taking his eyes off the screen. Lance’s eyes widened and his heartbeat quickened, this could be it. If the Galra were the ones to have Shiro, this was going to be where they found out. If not… Lance didn’t want to think about that possibility and how much more difficult that would make finding Shiro. 

 

Minutes passed, the four silently watched Pidge work, hoping that they would find their leader. Pidge’s sole focus was on the screen in front of her, pages opened and she downloaded everything just in case something were to stop her. There was no doubt that the Galra would soon detect her presence on their database, so she knew her time was short. 

 

“Holy shit, I found him,” Pidge gasped and kept digging through the data, “This is a bunch of info of him from before Voltron… there has to be something in here more recent…”

 

Lance’s hand found Keith’s and Keith’s hand gripped Lance’s tightly. They didn’t look away from the screen, but Keith kept his death grip consistent. Lance squeezed back, feeling anxiety wash over him. A mantra of pleas ran through his head. 

 

“He’s on the main ship, Zarkon’s control ship.”

 

…

 

Days of extensive planning later and Team Voltron was prepared to get their Paladin back. They knew it wouldn’t be possible to fight the Galra’s enormous fleet with the little resources and help that they had, so they decided to take a more discreet approach. They were going to create a diversion with the castle ship and then Pidge, Keith, and Lance were going to sneak onto the ship and retrieve Shiro.

 

Matt and Coran were going to stay on the ship and keep the castle’s defense up while Allura and Hunk were going to keep the focus on themselves. Keith, Pidge, and Lance were going to take the Green Lion due to its invisibility ability. 

 

The team huddled together in the hangar, all saying words of encouragement. They knew this plan had more holes in it that they would prefer, but their discomfort with Shiro being imprisoned by the Galra any longer overpowered that. They had been able to locate the fleet through more hacking by Pidge and were about to wormhole to the location. Keith’s hand rested on Lance’s shoulder and they shared a fleeting look.

 

“Okay, opening the wormhole now.” Allura’s voice rang out. As soon as they made it through, Allura would join them in the hangar. Keith and Lance followed Pidge to her lion and they prepared for yet another life-threatening mission. 

 

“Let’s not fuck this up, guys,” Pidge said before launching them out of the hangar. Lance and Keith gripped the pilot seat for dear life. Pidge activated the cloaking for her lion and they felt presence of the Yellow and Black Lions behind them. Pidge got close to the looming shape of the main ship, dodging blasts aimed for Yellow and Black.

 

They reached the ship and Green landed on the ship. The Three Paladins exited Green and Pidge cut open a hole into the side of the ship, similar to their methods of getting the Red Lion. They slipped onto the ship, using their jet packs to avoid being sucked back out into space. They got through the doors that lead into a hallway and shut them gingerly, to seal the vacuum out into space. 

 

Pidge had gotten her hands on a layout of the ship and they followed the map to where prisoners were held. There were some close calls with the guards but for the most part they were safe. The halls were mostly deserted, it seemed that most of the people on board were focused on taking down the Black and Yellow Lions. That was a relief and a concern for Pidge, Lance, and Keith. 

 

The trio stopped in their tracks at the sound of an voice dripping with an authoritative tone. It wasn’t Zarkon or Haggar, someone new was giving orders. 

 

“The cell needs to be heavily guarded, even if they aren’t aware of the Black Paladin’s presence here. Something odd is obviously going on, three of the lions are missing.” The voice commanded. 

 

“Yes, Prince Lotor.” Another voice rang out, then they heard footsteps approaching. The three Paladins braced themselves against the wall, preparing to fight. They were unsure who this Prince Lotor was, but he had obviously taken control of things, meaning that Zarkon was out of the picture. 

 

The footsteps went in the opposite direction of the trio and they all sighed in relief. They continued to follow Pidge through the ship, all dreading the moment they would reach Shiro, aware that they were going to have to fight for their leader.  When they were only a turn of a corner away from Shiro’s holding cell, they all shared a look. Lance grabbed the pair and pulled them into a bone crushing hug. He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall, this wasn’t going to easy and they knew that. They three readied their bayards and at Pidge’s signal, went around the corner weapons blazing. 

 

There were more guards than they imagined, at least thirty in a large opening of the hallway that had a single door at the end. Keith’s sword slashed through sentry after sentry. Lance shot each guard down, dodging shots aimed for him. He heard a yelp from his right and looked to Pidge. She had her bayard sliced through a sentry but clutched her left shoulder; she had been shot. Lance growled and his shots became more precise and frequent, fueled by his anger. His friend was injured and they were losing time. Hunk and Allura couldn’t hold out forever. 

 

They were coming down to the last few guards, when Lance’s thigh was shot by a sentry ducking in the corner of the room. Lance cursed, grabbing his thigh and he stumbled forward. Keith ran towards the sentry, dodging its shots and jabbed his bayard through its head. Pidge took out the final sentry and dropped to her knees in exhaustion. 

 

“You okay,Pidge?” Keith asked, motioning to her shoulder.

 

“Yeah, a blast just grazed me.” She assured him.

 

“C’mon, there are probably more coming.” Lance huffed out, his breathing heavy with exertion. Pidge nodded and got to her feet. Lance felt Keith wrap his arm around Lance, assisting him with walking to the door. 

 

“I’m going to cut through the door with my bayard,” Pidge warned them and they stepped back. The few moments that it took for her to do so felt like an eternity. When the heavy metal of the door fell, Pidge jumped out of the way. 

 

Shiro was unconscious, huddled into the corner and beat up to an extent that they were worried he wasn’t even alive. Keith raced to Shiro’s unmoving form and shook Shiro in an attempt to wake him. Keith felt for the Black Paladin’s pulse and was relieved to feel his heart beating weakly. 

 

“He’s not waking up,” Keith said angrily and shook Shiro a little harder. 

 

“We’re just going to have to carry him out… quickly.” Lance announced. Keith nodded and pulled Shiro’s body up, balancing the weight. Pidge stepped forward to help and wrapped Shiro’s other arm around her. Lance knew it was useless to attempt to help, he was having enough trouble walking on his own. They moved as fast as they could, Lance was beginning to feel lightheaded with the amount of blood leaking out the wound in his thigh. 

 

“Not trying to make this situation any more more stressful here, but I think I may have gotten shot in an artery.” Lance announced, limping beside the other Paladins. 

 

“Shit, Lance. Why didn’t you say something sooner.” Pidge exclaimed and Lance shook his head, he was starting to see stars. Pidge dropped Shiro’s arm and reached Lance just before he tripped. 

 

“If we don’t get Lance into a healing pod in the next few minutes there’s a very real possibility he could die.” Pidge said, dragging the weight of her teammate. Keith nodded, picking up his pace. He was starting to feel hopeless. What would the point of getting Shiro back be if they lost Lance in return. Keith’s mind swirled into a pit of despair but he tried to keep up a strong suit for Pidge. They couldn’t give up. 

 

The moment Keith knew they weren’t going to make it was when they heard the footsteps of a group of soldiers approaching. Pidge’s head whipped right to look at Keith, fear in her eyes. Keith kept looking forward, focused on their destination, the Green Lion. 

 

“Stop them!” They were so close. Keith closed his eyes in acceptance, he stopped walking and turned to face his end. 

 

Or so he thought…

 

The entire hallway was destroyed with the impact of the Red Lion crashing through the side of the ship. The Paladins and soldiers were pulled through the hole in the wall, their suits activated protection and a limited oxygen supply that wasn’t necessary due to Red immediately scooping them up in her mouth leading into her cockpit. 

 

Keith jumped up into the pilot seat and took control, maneuvering through Galra fighter jets to the castle. Green followed her sister to the Castle of Lions. 

 

“What’s going on? Did you get Shiro?!” Hunk’s voice filtered through the coms in their helmets. 

 

“We got Shiro, Lance got shot in an artery. Coran, get two healing pods ready. Everyone get back to the castle,” Pidge instructed while tending to Lance as best as she could. Shiro was still unconscious and unresponsive. Black and Yellow reached the castle first and Hunk waited in the hangar for Red, prepared to assist with Lance and Shiro. Allura raced to the control room, ready to wormhole away from the Galra as quickly as possible. Matt ran down to the hangar to help too. 

 

Keith landed in the hangar recklessly and didn’t wait a moment to scoop Lance up in his arms and exit Red. Hunk helped Keith with Lance while Matt rushed to help with Shiro. Keith was comforted by the feeling of Lance’s racing heartbeat against his chest, he was still alive. They got the the med bay and Coran was already there with two pods prepped. Keith placed Lance into the first one and it closed around the boy. Matt and Pidge weren’t far behind and got Shiro into the next one. 

 

Keith hadn’t realized that Pidge had been crying until she had wrapped her arms around Keith and he felt the wetness of her tears against his face. He had discarded his helmet when they had landed. He couldn’t hold his tears either and the Green and Red Paladins comforted each other. They both had thought they were going to die, but they were safe for now, and they had Shiro back. 

 

…

 

Shiro was in the healing pod for only a day before he stumbled out. Pidge had caught him and smiled brightly. Turns out the reason he was unconscious was because he had been injected with something by the Galra that kept him asleep until they needed him. Shiro was devastated when he noticed Lance in the healing pod next to his, his friends had nearly died to rescue him. Coran had explained that Lance would be in the healing pod longer due to amount of blood loss he had suffered from.

 

The Paladins worked on a surprise for their teammate to wake up to. They all had become aware of Lance’s feeling about Earth, how much he missed his planet and family. They spent their free time attempting contact with the planet. Matt had mostly finished the device that would be used to communicate. If they could just even get a message out there, it would be enough. Finally, Hunk figured out a way. They were going to have to briefly enter the same galaxy as Earth, send their message, and get out. 

 

Hunk was unsure at first about this. He knew Lance’s history, was under the impression he was the only one who knew. He promised himself to make sure Lance didn’t feel pressured into talking to his family. He knew something had changed with Lance on his feelings about his family but it still was a lot for Lance to reach out.

 

Lance woke up after 10 days, Coran was in the med bay when it happened, he was a bit dazed and asked for Keith first. Coran got Keith and the other Paladins, but Lance reached for Keith and held onto him for a long time. 

 

“I thought we were dead for sure, I thought-” Lance hiccuped and cried. 

 

“It’s okay, everyone’s okay now.” Keith murmured comfortingly. The other Paladins felt like they were intruding on a private moment. Lance released Keith and noticed that they were there and blushed in embarrassment. He wiped his tears away with a small laugh. 

 

“Sorry about that.” Lance chuckled and that was the que for the others to surround Lance in a group hug. 

 

“We have a surprise for you,” Hunk announced and Lance looked to him in confusion. 

 

“What?”

 

“We figured out a way to get a message to Earth.” Lance’s breath hitched and tears threatened to spill once again. 

 

“R-really?” Lance asked. Hunk nodded and Lance smiled brighter than they had seen in a long time. Hunk knew that Lance truly missed his family.

 

…

 

“We should talk,” Lance said, quiet enough that only Keith would hear. They were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Hunk was humming happily while drying dishes ten feet away. Keith nodded in agreement. 

 

“You got this Hunk?” Lance asked and Hunk waved him off. Lance and Keith exited the kitchen and went to Lance’s room, it was closer. They entered together and Lance sat down on his bed. Keith followed his lead. 

 

“Everything has happened so quickly, it feels like yesterday we were missing Shiro.” Lance broke the silence. 

 

“I know.”

 

  
“And now I can send a message to my family, Hunk, Pidge, and Matt can talk to their families. It’s crazy how fast things get done when Pidge, Matt, and Hunk set their minds to it.” Lance smiled sheepishly. “I’ve been so upset about not being able to talk to my family I haven’t even thought about what I want to say… I’m scared.” 

 

“Scared of what? Lance, I’m sure they miss you, are worried about you, and that they can put your disagreements behind them to be happy that you’re alive.” Keith took Lance’s hands in his and looked into his eyes caringly. 

 

“I know… but a little voice in my head keeps telling me that they’re relieved now that I’m gone. I caused too much trouble, they’re probably happy I’m not there to put a rift between my older siblings and my parents.” Lance worried. Keith rubbed circles into Lance’s hands with his thumbs. He felt that urge again, to be close to Lance and comfort him in a more than friendly way. 

 

“I think risking that being the case is important. There’s such a small possibility that that’s true, Lance, you have to risk being shut down in case they do miss you-which they definitely do. Plus, you won’t even know how they react, we won’t be there long enough to get a response and we don’t know how.” Keith reminded Lance. 

 

“Keith,” Lance’s voice was strained, like it hurt him to speak. Keith’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t pretend that I don’t have feelings for you. It’s killing me not being able to reach and hold you. It’s killing me to have to actively distance myself from you. I can’t stop feeling this way about you… You’re such a good person, you make me feel better even when you didn’t know that I was hurting. I-” Lance was cut off by Keith pushing his lips against him and kissing him, aggressively. 

 

Keith pulled back and Lance stared at him with wide eyes. Before Lance could stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed Keith back. They released each other’s hand in favor of wrapping them around each other, Lance’s on Keith’s neck, and Keith’s on Lance’s hips. They broke apart and were slightly out of breath. 

 

“If you want to try this, I want to too.” Keith said and Lance grinned and pecked him on the lips once more. 

 

“Now you have to tell me how I make you feel because I told you.” Lance demanded and laughed at Keith’s frown. They were going to be okay.

 

…

 

Lance stared at the record button nervously, hesitant to start. Those that had someone to get a message to each took turns to record their messages, a video to whomever they wanted. Lance was the last one to go, he had tried to settle his nerves while waiting his turn, but they only got worse. He attempted to put together a few things he wanted to say to his family, but his heart felt like it was in his throat, stopping him from getting any words out. He swallowed loudly and tapped the button, thinking if he just started what he needed to say would come to him. 

 

The Paladins had agreed not to go into too much detail of their whereabouts, for the fear that it could somehow lead to Earth getting involved with this war against the Galra. He could say he was mostly safe though, that was a start.

 

“Um, hello! I don’t know if I’ve like been declared dead or something, but I’m not! I am perfectly alive and I miss all of you. I’m sorry if I’ve caused everyone worry, I didn’t mean to. Short version of where I am is protecting the universe, sounds fake but it’s not. Can’t tell you where I am but just know that I’m okay right now. We’ve been trying to find a way to get in touch with the people we missed, mostly because of me.”

 

“I… I only regret one thing that I did when handling things and that’s refusing to talk to you guys, Mom and Dad. This seems like so long ago, but when I got your email Mom, I wasn’t sure how to respond. Last Summer I had realized that I didn’t want to keep ignoring you, I wanted my parents back, I just wasn’t sure how. Then you gave me all these opportunities by sending me cards for holidays and I kept promising myself I would do something. I never did. I was going to respond to that email, I really was that time because I 100 percent felt I was ready, and then I couldn’t. I’ve been thinking about that email a lot.”

 

“I won’t be able to forgive you easily, but I want to try and be the family we once were if I get back. Yes, I said if because I honestly have no idea whether I’m going to ever come home. Elena and Sam, I am so grateful for everything you did. Jane, Charlie, be good and I’m sorry you were put in the middle of all of this. I miss you all everyday and love you so much. I hope that one day I can come home and be with you all again, to explain why I’m gone. I love you all. Bye.” Lance ended the recording. 

 

…

 

“Coran, did you notice that I, well, I’m a little different than, for example, Shiro? Like when I was in the healing pod?” Lance asked. They were in the med bay doing their weekly cleaning of the castle’s most used rooms. Lance and Coran tended to work well together when cleaning.

 

“Why yes, I did. I’ve been meaning to ask more about the setup of humans internal and external organs. Enlighten me, will you?” Coran said lightly, picking up on Lance’s tense frame. 

 

“Well, I mean I’m not going to go to in detail with all of this because I barely passed biology, aced chemistry, but biology…” Lance shuddered at the memory of the class. “I just wanted to tell you that the reason I’m not the same as Hunk, Shiro, Matt, and Keith is because I was born as a female. But I’m male, I just don’t have all the same equipment if you know what I mean.” Coran chuckled at that. 

 

“Whatever you are, Lance, you are an excellent Paladin and person. I’m glad to have you part of this team.” Coran smiled and Lance felt a little lighter. “You know, gender is very fluid for Alteans, since we can change our appearance.” 

 

“I didn’t know that, that’s actually really interesting.” Lance nodded. Their conversation was interrupted by Allura walking into the med bay to check on them. 

 

“What’s interesting?” Allura questioned. 

 

“Just telling Lance about some Altean fun facts,” Coran said happily. Lance decided now was better than any other time and briefed Allura in on the same thing he had told Coran. She also seemed pretty indifferent, but Lance supposed that was because they were used to things a lot odder. Some of the alien races they had met was evidence of that. 

 

…

 

Lance was laying against Keith in one of the common rooms of the castle. The other Paladins were stretched out on the other couches and they were all watching some alien movie. They had picked up a box of old alien movies from a trading planet and were slowly making their way through its contents. They had only seen three movies so far, but they had all agreed that they were like watching bad movies from the 80s. 

 

The other Paladins had accepted Keith and Lance’s relationship. There hadn’t been much to say about it. Shiro had tried to express his few concerns and Allura had shut him down quickly. She told them that it was actually very common for Paladins to get together and in most cases it only strengthened their bonds. She also had giggled about how blue and red paladins were the most common to get into relationships with each other. 

 

In the moment, Lance had felt overwhelmingly happy. Watching movies with his teammates, his friends, and his boyfriend was an activity he cherished. He was comfortable with the people in the room and trusted them more and more every day. He knew these people and he felt like they deserved to know him more. 

 

As the end credits rolled, displaying foreign characters and odd names, Lance cleared his throat a little, catching everyone’s attention. He blushed a little under everyone’s eyes. He sat up and clasped his hands in his lap. 

 

“So, I’ve been holding out on some stuff from you guys… well Keith and Hunk know but! Anyways, I’m trans. I’ve been out since I was 15 but I was a little worried about being treated differently if you guys knew. I’m not too worried about that now.” Lance announced. Keith rubbed his thigh a little to show his support. 

 

“I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell us that, Lance. We support no matter what buddy.” Shiro smiled warmly at Lance. 

 

“Always will support you, dude. Love you,” Pidge grinned and got up from her seat to hug Lance. 

 

Lance couldn’t say he had had an easy life. Hell, his current situation was less than desireable. He was scared of what the future held, but he knew as long as he had his friends things would be okay. He would be okay.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write an angsty fic before my next one that's gonna be significantly lighter and this happened. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Edit: Wow this has over 100 kudos that's actually so crazy! Thanks so much to everyone that has left kudos and commented I appreciate it so much!


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